Sugar, sugar, honey, honey!

Well hello, I'm sitting here listening to Ziggy Stardust, you will be sadly missed David Bowie. Ruck has gone to bed with plenty of beer in his belly and I am surrounded by chocolate, toffee, biscuits etc. Stuffing my face for no apparent reason than that it's ok coz it won't make me want to be sick. I can handle sweet more than savoury, unless I completely over do it that is. Healthy, no, bearable, yes. I have started writing this post on the same day that I just published the last one. What's that all about? Hmm getting a bit worrying when I can't keep away from my iPad for the need of getting this all off my chest!  I'm finding now that thoughts, observations, feelings effect me at different times on different days, they don't eat away at me all the time, whoops that was a bad whey to put it! But it means I have to write them down straight away as they arrive, or they are gone and I cant get them back to put into words after that....so if this post doesn't flow you'll know why.

Anyway moving on, (see what I mean)! It's a new day......well I had to go to bed sometime.

Its been nearly a year now, as you all know because I keep going on about it, but the loss is sill there. Sometimes its not so raw then other times it comes to the forefront again and bam! Where have all the glorious smells gone in the world. Is anything going to come back, is this forever? Oh I hope not, and taste? Well, as I said in my last post we were going to my sisters and her partner for Rucks Birthday and went out for a meal.  When I ordered, I asked the waitress to make sure there was no onion, garlic, etc in it and she said "ok are you allergic to onion"?  I just said yes as its the easiest option, but the truth is that onion tastes vile to me. The meal was fine actually, as I played it safe with fish and chips even though I could have had more adventurous stuff, too risky though. But we had a great weekend and that's what counts.

Oh well, that's it for this post, got a weigh in at the docs on Thursday, have I gained any weight since last time? I'll let you know.

Say Cheese!!

Hello again, unfortunately I'm not starting on the best of notes in this post, but it gets better, honest. 
It was suggested that I make a list of all the things I can eat so here we go....cheese on toast, baked potatoes with cheese, macaroni cheese, cheese and crackers, cheese and cheese. Getting the theme here? However my friends asked me to do this so that when we go round for meals they can cater for what I can manage to eat, which is very thoughtful of them. The problem is what tasted nice last week could taste horrible by the week after.  I don't know why that is but it seems to happen to a lot of Parosmics, and as I have Anosmia too its not exactly straightforward.
Anyway, the other night I had a go at making a sauce to go with the meatballs Ruck had made, and I eventually left the kitchen in a strop because I didn't know if what I was cooking would even taste like bloody food! Then I thought ok, I like cheese and can manage some veg so I'll make cauliflower cheese, which would have been fine if the sauce hadn't turned out like wallpaper paste and was totally inedible. Agh! these are the times when I could scream, throw things, cry or everything at once.

Than to top it all, I caught a cold, attempted to eat a bag of plain crisps which were ok before, and they tasted horrible! I really hope the cold hasn't knocked me back a bit, that would be all I need. Even though its gone now I know it's happened to other sufferers before so its in the back of my mind.
What is going on am I going backwards here?  The problem is these are my thoughts and unfortunately they are not so great sometimes.  I even had a dream that I could smell flowers again which is one of the scents I really miss.

So when I woke up and everything was back to normal, I almost resigned myself to it. Thought, oh so this is how its going to be for the rest of my life....
Then I had an amazing surprise, I walked into my living room that night, where there was a vanilla candle burning and I could smell it! A sweet but not sickly smell, not really strong but definitely a hint of vanilla. Oh that was such a good feeling, and the best bit is its still there, so when I told my family and friends, I was inundated with vanilla candles. Fine by me! Does this mean there are some good changes going on in this treacherous nose of mine?

I just want other nice things to come back now.  How wonderful it would be to be able to taste, and enjoy my Christmas dinner this year, because when my sense of smell starts coming back, my taste should follow suit, so surly a vanilla candle is a good start?
One thing is for sure however, I wouldn't want to keep the current sense of taste I have the disgusting one, remember? What a complex condition this is I want my sense of taste to come back but I want it to go away too if its going to be this horrible forever. Ridiculous.
Anyway to end on a high note, we are going to see my sister and her partner in Crawley next weekend. It's Ruck's birthday this month and as a tradition we always go and celebrate it down there. My sister is a bit crazy, in a nice way, so we'll have a good time, and I can hopefully put the Anosmia to the back of my mind for a while.  Happy Birthday my long suffering husband!












 

Happy New Nose???

Happy New Year! Welcome to 2016 and here's hoping you're still with me on this blog! I wonder what this year will bring? The eating thing wasn't too bad over Christmas, I managed, but it definitely wasn't the same, and a lot of thought went into what I could or couldn't handle, which was great of  my family. I may not have eaten much at all otherwise.
Will I get my sense of smell back? Will I get my sense of taste back? Will I give up? No to that one. But 2015 ended up being a very bad year for me and I really don't know what to expect this year, how much fight I've got left......I'm not starting on a very good note really.
Good grief snap out of it Debbie you're going to scare everybody off before they even start reading the first post of 2016. Sorry, finished telling myself off now. Are you still here?
As I write this post it's the evening of January the 2nd so I may not finish it tonight. I had a bit of a moment when I thought I wouldn't even be able to start it......and now my heads gone so I'll try again tomorrow, sorry.

That's better, I've been talking to some of my Anosmia group friends which has bucked me up. Thanks to you all as ever.
I think I'm finding the start to the year frightening as I really don't know if I will ever heal, I know I keep going on about fighting all the time but it doesn't mean it's going to work. I make a lot of daft jokes on this blog sometimes to give my self some positivity, but also so it's not going to depress the hell out of you all.

Thankfully I have people that keep me sane and these are three of them, (apart from the one on the bottom left), being me, and I look insane despite this.

There ya go I'm getting positive again, nothing like a bit of family support to cheer me up. There are
many more supportive and wonderful family and friends out there of course, but this is a cool picture so I thought I'd Share it with you.

However, I think next month, February the 7th to be exact, will be a very testing time for me as that date will be my first Anosmic Anniversary. One year ago on that day, I banged  my head and came round finding I'd lost two of my senses. Anyway onwards and upwards as they say, but be prepared for a few tears on that day, even though you can't see them......no I will not post a photograph of it!
Mulling it over I think I'm coping ok at the moment, for those who haven't read my first few posts have a look and you'll see what I mean.

See you all next post.