Making Sense of Scents.

A few days ago I was sitting in my sunny front garden contemplating.  My clever husband had just finished building some decking with a lovely balustrade and trestle, as this little area is a suntrap.  I was contemplating because I was trying to decide if I should bother to try and grow a scented climbing plant of some description along it.  Maybe honeysuckle, lilac or a climbing rose? It would look lovely I'm sure but wouldn't smell of anything to me....but then I think I'm being selfish, other people would enjoy it, like friends and family who often come to visit.  I realise I have to be careful sometimes so as not to become thoughtless about other peoples' pleasures in life.

I catch myself being like this on occasion and don't like what I see, a good kick up the arse wouldn't go amiss right now! So instead I consider what plant to grow on there, I'll ask my husband Ruck what he thinks too...a joint decision.

My interpretation of the smell of things differs now, the smells I identify with certain things don't connect anymore. Like I said in my articles on Smell Training, I have to, for example, learn that my smell of grass isn't the same as your smell of grass, but I need to recognise that as the new smell of grass for me.
Let me give you some examples, unfortunately not all pleasant ones due to my Parosmia, which you know about if you've been reading older posts. So here is a short list that I've compiled:

• Perfume - sweet but no distinctive notes to it, i.e. flowery. musky etc.
• Coffee - Smokey, but not horrible.
• Tea - no smell.
• Basil - sweet, no really distinctive smell however.
• Onions - horrible, one of the worst in fact, sulphur, sulphur and more sulphur.
• Chicken - rotten kind of smell, not good
• Pork - nothing at all.
• Beef - cardboard!
• Bacon - burnt smell, but not horrible.
• Sausages - Sulphur, not nice.
• Smoke - again sulphur, yuk!
• Grass - earthy, so not too bad.
• Flowers - most of these I cant smell at all, but I did get a faint smell of lavender once, so I grow it all over my garden. But sadly this seems to have faded now. I wont dismiss the fact that it might return though!
• Chocolate - no smell
• Milk - no smell
• Bread - no smell but if its baking there's the sulphur back again!
• Eggs - Ugh!
• Spices - the odd musky kind of smell.
• Vanilla - this is one to celebrate as it smells like vanilla, especially the candles!

I'll end on that one as a positive note or I could go on and on so I wont bore you forever!

Now, as I stop to contemplate again...there is no smell in the air. I'm sitting in my kitchen writing this, and breathing in nothingness. I've forgotten what my house used to smell like I suppose, and often check with Ruck that it doesn't need a good old airing or air freshener spraying all over the place. I sometimes get a smell of something in the air, but cant identify it and have to ask what it is. If I'm outside it often turns out to be chimney smoke or the farm smell, which oddly enough smells ok to me.  We live quite close to a farm so this can be a common occurrence. I do miss smelling things as they should be though and not smelling the things I used to love, but I'm trying to come to terms with this. Not because I'm giving up on things going back to normal but because I'm preparing myself for the fact that they might not. Its a fine balance and I try not to get down about it.

Next time I want to talk about taste with you all, that is a weird one with more unpleasant than pleasant experiences unfortunately, but ill leave it here for now....thanks for reading as always.

To anyone suffering from Anosmia, Parosmia or related do you have good and bad smells? I'd be interested to know your interpretations. Please feel free to comment.

'Orrible Onions!

Ok not the most exciting of topics but for me a pretty interesting one none the less.

Let's talk about onions.

Before my Anosmia I liked onions, they are present in so many dishes meaning I cooked with them a lot....our relationship has now changed however. For some reason, once my Parosmia, (distorted/horrible taste), kicked in, onions were unbearable. More so than with any other food, and there were plenty that were pretty bad, I won't start naming them however as the list will scare you off reading any more of this post!

But onions are confusing my Parosmia at the moment. All of a sudden they taste bearable in some forms such as shop bought potato salad from Lidl, that contain chives, a member of the onion family. Also in the sweeter type of curry such as Korma or Pasanda, which definitely contain onion. I think it's the fact that all of these foods have a sweet side to them that is making the difference. Even the potato salad, due to the sweetness of the mayonnaise.
All of this sweetness seems to help counteract, or at least balance out the harsh, horrible taste of onion...and it makes sense to me really as I've always been able to manage quite a few different sweet foods even with my Parosmia.  Maybe I'll try caramelised onion next.

I suppose what I'm trying to say to my fellow sufferers is don't be afraid to try things, yes its disappointing if it turns out to be horrible, but you can always just pull a silly face and spit it out again, preferably not in public though!
But in all seriousness, I'm really not trying to make light of this awful affliction. Crikey its only in the past couple of months that I've started trying things again and some are still disgusting, like garlic in any form at all for example, and even though I'm getting on with onion a bit better, raw onion is a massive no, no! But please try and experiment with different foods my friends, what have you got to lose.....a bit more of your sanity, I lost that ages ago when all of this happened, but I'm slowly getting it back I hope. So be brave, we have to be don't we, either that or give up and I don't plan to and you shouldn't either.

So this post is for all my friends in the three great Facebook Anosmia related groups that I am in.

• Parosmia/Phantosmia Support Group
• Aquired Anosmia and Parosmia Support Page
• Anosmics of the World Unite!

What I would have done without your support goodness only knows.  Also anybody else reading this who is suffering from Anosmia and related disorders, if you are on Facebook I really do encourage you to join these groups and get the support you need and deserve.

Oh and one more thing, yes ok I'm rambling! Anyone without anosmia reading this, (lucky you), I hope this blog is giving you an insight and understanding of this little understood and life changing condition, I'm glad you are making the effort, and taking your time out to read it.

See you all back here next post, unless I've offended anyone and been too outspoken. I really want to support everyone like me, but tell me off if you feel the need x

Getting My Head Write!

First of all, no I didn't get my grammar wrong in the heading, I just have a scribbly head at the moment. If you looked into my brain it would look like this photograph.

That's what my writing looks like anyway but my brain is trying to match it! My husband tells me my brain goes a million miles an hour, so how do I calm it?
I'm doing it now, I write, that's what I do, what I've always done I suppose really. Starting with lyrics, cute rhymes in family Birthday cards, this blog and I'll let you into a little secret, a children's book which I'm currently working on. Am I good enough? Who knows, but I'm certainly going to give it a try. Is it good for me? Yes. Because I think if I didn't write it I'd scream it, not such a good idea I suppose, the neighbours wouldn't be very impressed!

I haven't written a single line about Anosmia yet because had I not started with the above chatter the rest of this post wouldn't have made sense.....sense get it, oh dear I'm at it again with the bad jokes. Anyway we've been on our holidays to our favourite Greek Island of Kefalonia. The last time I went I didn't have Anosmia so it was a bit of a shock to the system getting off the plane to blank very hot air.  No smell you see, it used to be a kind of warm olive smell if you can get that.......sort of like heated up grass and leaves and countryside. I loved that smell and I have to admit missed it when it wasn't there this time, it did make me sad.
I'm pleased to say however that I ate quite well, I learnt how to say "no onions please" in Greek, as you'll probably remember if you've read any of my previous posts, onions make my Parosmia kick in, and taste disgusting. Funnily enough the word onion in Greek is pronounced 'cremmudia', (not spelt like that though), which kept making me think of cream which I can eat but not in that case! Being able to have no onion in my food helped though as some savoury food is palatable these days, and the sweet pastries were yum, even to me!

So all in all we had a good time because some things hadn't changed like the lovely Greek friends we'd made over there and met up with again, or the beautiful scenery, or the guaranteed hot sunshine, the stunning coloured butterflies, the warm emerald sea, there I feel better already.

Life is still a challenge, and when I came home the reality was still there waiting for me and the rain didn't help aghh the English Summer! There are still daily struggles and challenges. For example my hubby, Ruck, was out and I wanted a strong espresso coffee which I have with a tiny bit of condensed milk for sweetness, but all I had was what had been in the fridge from before we went away so.....yep I risked it and used it because I couldn't tell if it was off or not, but my tummy told me later that it definitly was. Hence quite a few trips to the bathroom that day, sorry too much information, but I was ok after a good clear out! Life can't be that bad if I can joke about it sometimes I suppose!

So until next time 'yassas'!

Blank mind = Blank page!

Hello, long time no post....oh where to start. Well I've been doing more reading than writing lately because my brain has been on shut down mode for a while, (thanks to some new tablets rattling around in my system, but that's another story), so I couldn't come up with anything new.
I thought at the time this was very lazy and un productive of me, but as it happens its not been a bad thing because as I've been reading, I've also been learning so it still feels like I've achieved something!

For example I now have an Instagram account, which I never intended to do but after joining an Instagram group out of inst-erest....ha, ha good one there! I decided to have a go, and you know what, its quite enjoyable. I'm just playing with pictures and learning how to use the ever confusing hash tag at the moment but I may even get the hang of it enough to get serious and use it properly eventually.  In the meantime if you want to have a look please do at www.instagram.com/asongtowrite. For example, this is a photograph I took of Wild Violets in The Lake District, not bad for a beginner!

Anyway, my Anosmia has been doing some weird things lately.  Well I suppose its more Parosmia, (unpleasant phantom smells), these days actually, and that does act extremely weird, as you'll know if you've read any of my previous posts.
My smell has been mostly of the phantom 'baking bread' variety, and you are probably thinking 'well that's not so bad', but try it constantly every second of every day and you may change your mind somewhat. Even more so when it is laced with a hint of sickly sweet from deodorant that has just been sprayed, or air freshener that's been wafted around the room, oh and combined with the odd random addition of the phantom smell of paint stripper that likes to rear its ugly head on occasion.  Edge of insanity is a word that springs to mind when that little lot hits my nostrils I think, real or no real!

However there is a plus amongst my doom and gloom....yes I know sorry I'll quit the moaning.  I can actually handle the odd thing with onion in, yay result! I discovered this thanks to a tub of shop bought potato salad, when having lunch at my mum and dad's. I used to love potato salad and it was too tempting not to try it, and expecting the worst, I did just that. I was ready to do the usual trick of launching myself out of the chair and dashing to the sink to spit out said item, which I know sounds disgusting but when its a choice between that and being sick......well you get the picture. But instead, even though it didn't taste like potato salad should, it wasn't awful either, kind of vinegary, sweet and salty with a smooth texture, which for me is good. Suffice to say I ate rather a lot of potato salad that day!
I am now making a greater effort with the food I try to eat, instead of dismissing it because it has onion or garlic in it. Dare I hope this is a good sign, could something in this pesky nose of mine be healing correctly? If so I hope it hurry's up as we are going on holiday soon, what a treat it would be to get some pleasure out of eating while I'm away.
Say a little prayer for me.

Forward thinking!

Back to reality folks. I was determined to be strong and practice my smell training every day, but its been a bit of a rollercoaster ride these last few weeks to say the least so I haven't really stuck to it.
This doesn't mean that I've given up, but Chris Kelly herself said you have to be in the right frame of mind to do it and well, not to put too finer point on it I have had some crap going on so lets leave it there! In fact so much so I'm kicking Anosmia out of the door for this post at least!
I have to heal in more ways than one. Not just my rubbish nerve fibres that are being stubborn sods and not trying hard enough in my opinion, but my whole being. My head = big mess at the moment. Life can really chuck it at you sometimes and its throwing everything at me including the kitchen sink!  So I suppose this is why I am sitting in front of my laptop now without a clue what to write about. Self doubt is a biggy for me at the moment. I need to write something so -

Questions
Have I got anything to say....yes
Do I know where to start....no
Have I lost my self worth....yes
Have I lost my sense of smell and taste....yes.  Oops, I know I said no Anosmia mentions, but I couldn't resist that!
Have I lost it...not totally or I wouldn't have managed a funny just then.
Can I still write this blog....yes but it may change so I hope that's ok with you guys.
Am I waffling...I hope not

Ok the 'self worth' question is a bit heavy going because deep down I know I am good at things, I'm a singer, a lyricist, a singing coach, a writer or at least trying to be!  (By the way this is a rehearsal photograph, we do usually have an audience honest!)  And I've done all of these things successfully as a career for a long time, including the writing eventually I hope. 
Now all I have to do is convince myself that I can still be this person, even after everything that's happened.
Oh that sounds better already doesn't it?

I also have a cunning plan.....a Website, yep my very own. Focussed around what I've just written on here.
On-line singing lessons for a start, what do you think?
The ideas are starting to form, and are not bad ones at that, now all I need to do is stay motivated for long enough to put them all into practice.
I hope you lot are with me on this one, this little blog of mine was what kept me sane when I first became Anosmic and your kind comments and the fact that you stuck with me and read the posts has all helped. So if you'd like to hang around some more, that would be great! Let's do this!

Smell Training - Three

This is the last of my three posts about my smell training sessions with Chris Kelly, and do you remember me finishing my last post with the words......"So in my next post I get lazy and have a kip"?  Well let me enlighten you on that little snippet.

Mindfulness quote from 'Greater Good' website "Maintaining a moment by moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations and surrounding environment". I thought this was a really good way of summing it up. We all live in a crazy fast paced world where taking time out for ourselves is hard work, which is where mindfulness plays its part, because it's so relaxing, you can do it anywhere and it doesn't take long at all. It can also help in so many different areas of your life such as the situation I am in now with my Anosmia. So we ended on the following.

Mindfulness exercise: colour, smell and texture visualisation.

This was a great finale for my smell training! I was asked to lay down on an extremely comfortable chaise longue, close my eyes and try to visualise certain tasks to trigger my smell memory. That's the best way to describe it really as its almost like watching yourself experience the smell and taste of things and in that way remembering what they actually do smell and taste like.

One of the memories I was asked to visualise was eating a tangerine, the colour, texture and feel of it. Then to imagine peeling it, remembering the smell of the peel and fruit itself, then biting into it and remembering the taste. It was very relaxing and certainly triggered something, because even now, as I'm writing this I can remember the sweet tang of how a tangerine would smell and how juicy they used to be. I haven't tried one yet as they were not very pleasent after Parosmia decided to enter the scene all that time ago, but maybe it's about time I was brave and went for it! We also carried out some other visualisation exercises and I just outlined this one for you as an example.
This last part of the training took about twenty minutes and left me feeling calm and relaxed, which for me is an achievement in itself. After this we had a good chat to summarise everything I'd learnt and experienced throughout the day. I left feeling a lot more positive and ready for the new challenges that lay ahead, armed with my bounty of scent jars!

If anybody reading this suffers from Anosmia, I really would encourage you to get in touch with Chris Kelly. She has been such a help to me and is a very strong, caring and compassionate person. You can get in touch via her website at www.smelltraining.co.uk.

As for me, well I'm going to keep trying and give this a go. It works for Chris so I think I'd better kick myself up the arse and get on with it. Stay tuned for the next post to find out how I've been getting on!

photograph courtesy of Chris Kelly.

Smell Training - Two

This is the second post about my smell training experience with Chris Kelly. If you haven't read the previous two posts, (the first one is an introduction to it), I would suggest you do that first so that you can understand what I am talking about.
The next stage of smell training involved, yes you've guessed it, smelling things! The first thing I did was to smell four different citrus scents of Yuzu, Orange, Bergamont and Grapefruit, then four different wood scents of Larch, Swiss Pine, Cedar and Spruce each one was made up from a weak to strong concentration, and I was asked to describe how much I could or couldn't smell of each one. I wasn't told what they were so couldn't pretend to know. The bottles all had a different coloured star on them also so Chris knew what I was smelling. Some of the scents I could hardly smell anything of, others were pleasent, and others not so nice.....unfortunately. It was interesting to know however and seemed as though I could smell more than I realised. Chris noted all of this down as we went along so I had something that I could take back with me and refer to when I did my own smell training at home.

The next stage was for me to try and identify smells and see how near they were to the original smells that I remembered.  I kept getting frustrated and writing them off saying "no cant smell anything", but Chris pushed me to keep trying as sometimes it takes a while for a smell to come through. She was right, as with some of them, if I kept sniffing long enough something did start to materialise, often quite faint, but at least something! I can be quite an impatient person at times,so this took a bit of concentration on my part but at least I didn't get grumpy! At this stage I was getting smell overload so to clear my head and Chris's too probably, we went for a walk with her dogs and just chatted.  This was nice and informal, giving my head and my nose a chance to have a break, (not literally of course)!
When we got back nicely refreshed, I went through Chris's smell library to try all the different smells, and make some up to take home with me which I could train with.  She told me not to go for the obvious ones that I could smell quite well, but to choose the ones I couldn't smell at all or were very faint, so I could keep trying these at home to see how and if they developed or strengthened, this would be the best way to tell if the smell training was having any affect or not. 
I was by then starting to understand that my smell may not necessarily get back to normal but get back to being pleasant. Chris said things may not smell as they used to in some cases, but I would start to associate this new smell with a certain thing.  For example lemon. It may not smell so much like the original lemon smell I knew before my Anosmia, but the new smell would be what lemon smelt like to from then on, as that was what my brain would get used to associating a lemon smell with. I know that Chris wouldn't mind me saying this, (well I hope not because she'll be reading it at some point no doubt), but at the time I was pretty confused and a bit disheartened.  I suppose I just thought things would smell the same as before, but that isn't always the case it seems. When I got home things did start becoming a bit clearer over time, I'm jumping ahead however, I haven't written post number three yet.....So in my next post, I get lazy and have a kip.....well not quite, you'll find out what I mean!



(photographs courtesy of Chris Kelly smelltraining.co.uk)