Strength In Numbers

Hello I'm still here! I've decided to keep posting my posts on here also. So you will find them on my Wordpress Site and this one. You have a choice ;-)

If it wasn’t for the support of others, I don’t know where I would be right now. Not as strong and positive as I am that’s for sure. My family, friends and the wonderful groups I have joined and the group I run, has saved me.

To some that may sound a bit melodramatic but its true. When I first acquired Anosmia, I was numb, I truly thought my life was over and I’d never be happy again. I wanted to give up and for a long time didn’t even make the effort to try and do anything about it. My family rallied round, my friends, they were all amazing but I couldn’t pull myself out of this complete depression and the loss I was feeling.

I discovered Fifth Sense, a charity for Anosmia, through the internet and made a half hearted effort to get involved but even that didn’t really help. They were brilliant but I was in such a bad place I needed something more personal to get me going again.

So one day I was listlessly looking at Facebook and just out of interest decided to search for Anosmia groups, and to my amazement found three! I went onto
each group had a read through the descriptions and decided to join them
all….well what had I got to lose? My sanity had already done a runner ages ago. Once my join request was accepted, I introduced myself expecting nothing in return, then logged out because I couldn’t be bothered by then. At that time I had the attention span of a knat!

I went to bed exhausted as usual, as I wasn’t eating at the time because it either tasted like sh…t, oops sorry, or nothing. Such is the life of an Anosmic.

But in the morning I went and checked my emails and found lots of Facebook messages from the various groups saying things like “we understand what you are going through” and “we are here to support you, don’t feel alone” and lovely considerate, thoughtful comments like that. Some told me their stories and
others gave feed back about my own.

All of a sudden I didn’t feel so lost there were people out there like me, who were going through the  same thing and managing, getting on with their lives even! So that was it for me I was on these groups every day gaining strength and a spirit of community from them.


So much so that eventually I felt I wanted to give something back. That was when the idea of forming my own group began to develop.

‘Living Well With Anosmia’ was born at that point and so many amazing people have joined. My goodness, it puts what I’ve been through into perspective. Some of these brave people had been through awful things like car crashes where they sustained terrible injuries, not only to their heads but their bodies too. Others had been Anosmic for years and were still so strong. Some didn’t have a any support at all.

But there was one thing that stood out from all of them, they wanted to fight, to make their lives better, to find joy in life again. This was great for them but great for me too. It made me more determined than ever to start living again instead of existing and also to help other people do the same.

So fast forward to now, the group is growing and my objective is working. We have a laugh in here together, against all the odds. We suggest food to try, coping mechanisms. And most importantly of all we help each other and I feel I am helping people too. Yes there are bad days for all of us but we can come onto the group and let off steam, get understanding and buoyed up again.

I love all of the groups I’m in and have a so much to thank them for. But this group, my group are wonderful individuals, strong individuals and I cant ever imagine being without them now.

So if you feel ready to take that next step and reclaim your life please join us at livingwellwithanosmia be part of a new journey.

Food for Thought.

This is a subject I think about a lot, well you cant help it really, eating is something you have to do every day if you want to survive. The problem is, as many of you will know, trying to eat when you have Parosmia, is no easy task.  Its a case of forcing it down your neck as quickly as possible in most cases.

I say in most cases because these days, (after a year and half of this nightmare), some things are now bearable....even pleasurable dare I say it.

If you remember in my last post about smell I said its a case of my interpretation of certain smells being different from the normal now, and I have to recognise these as the new smells of things....have a look at the previous post for more detail

And the same can be said for food also.  It doesn't taste as it should, but this is now the new taste of certain foods. Think back to my 'orrible onions post, when I said the taste of onion and garlic was like eating rotten food, if you read it that is! I still anticipate some food to taste as it used to and its very disappointing when it doesn't, and even worse if it taste vile. That's Parosmia for you!

Well on the other side of that, the taste of milk chocolate for example is sweet and... weird, that's the problem I cant describe what it tastes like anymore but to me that is now what chocolate tastes like and the main thing is it isn't horrible.

So now here is a list of my taste interpretation of some everyday foods that we all eat. (or used to in my case!).





Lets start with savoury:

• Chips - cooking oil
• Fish - rotten food
• Eggs - rotten
• Bacon - salt
• Cheese - salt and maybe a bit of something else....tartness?
• Chicken - rotten, unless in a sweet sauce, then bearable
• Beef - used to be horrible but now pretty tasteless, (I'll explain about taste shifts at the end).
• Chilies - no taste, but I get the sensation of heat (which is good as its some kind of association).
• Garlic - disgusting...rotten to the worst degree.
• Onion- the same unless well disguised.
• Food in sauces -
• Chilli Con Carne - heat and.....thinking here!! savoury, in a nice way but I don't know what...argh!
• Curry - horrible unless its sweet, like a Korma as that masks the taste of garlic.
• Spaghetti Bolognese - tinny, and bitter = not good!
• Casserole - if its beef and has a lot of gravy, too meaty, rotten.
• Tuna pasta - rotten as I cant eat tuna anymore.
• Cauliflower cheese - nice good texture, salty and a bit creamy. I always get a big helping at my mum and dads, he makes great cauliflower cheese....anyway, I digress.
• Sweet/Puddings -
• Ice Cream - effect of coldness in the mouth is good, and its sweet. Blackberry Crumble flavour works well due to the texture of the crumble in it, and the tartness of the blackberry.
• Lemon Meringue Pie - lots of different textures, lemon works well for me as it is tart and sweet overall. (Goes well with ice cream in fact).
• Cake - good, as its sweet and gooey.
• Cheesecake - one of those weird indescribable tastes again, and I don't like the texture, so not very keen.
• Dark Chocolate - not very nice at all, but again I don't know how to describe the taste...oh good grief, just nasty!
• Toffee- mmm, ok still a bit odd tasting but the sweetness masks it a bit, and if its really soft I like the texture.

Tastes shifts -

Sometimes, and it is the case with a lot of people with Parosmia, things taste ok then after a period of time taste horrible. I don't know why this is but it can be disappointing when you have just started to enjoy something again then it becomes awful to eat. It can be as short as a day or two or over a period of weeks.

The worst for me was eggs as I used to like the different textures in omelettes, however eggs taste bad again, as you will see from my list, so that's yet another dish to cross off. The same goes with fish it was good, then I started to really dislike the taste and texture....so now another no, no.

On the plus side from bad to good - tomatoes used to have no taste and I hated the texture, but now a sweetness comes through and as long as they aren't too ripe they are fine.

So there you have it the complex world of Parosmia.....I wouldn't wish it on anybody, but its a case of adapting and experimenting with different types and combinations of food. Otherwise I'd probably hardly eat anything. Bon appetit! (Not being sarcastic, honest!

Making Sense of Scents.

A few days ago I was sitting in my sunny front garden contemplating.  My clever husband had just finished building some decking with a lovely balustrade and trestle, as this little area is a suntrap.  I was contemplating because I was trying to decide if I should bother to try and grow a scented climbing plant of some description along it.  Maybe honeysuckle, lilac or a climbing rose? It would look lovely I'm sure but wouldn't smell of anything to me....but then I think I'm being selfish, other people would enjoy it, like friends and family who often come to visit.  I realise I have to be careful sometimes so as not to become thoughtless about other peoples' pleasures in life.

I catch myself being like this on occasion and don't like what I see, a good kick up the arse wouldn't go amiss right now! So instead I consider what plant to grow on there, I'll ask my husband Ruck what he thinks too...a joint decision.

My interpretation of the smell of things differs now, the smells I identify with certain things don't connect anymore. Like I said in my articles on Smell Training, I have to, for example, learn that my smell of grass isn't the same as your smell of grass, but I need to recognise that as the new smell of grass for me.
Let me give you some examples, unfortunately not all pleasant ones due to my Parosmia, which you know about if you've been reading older posts. So here is a short list that I've compiled:

• Perfume - sweet but no distinctive notes to it, i.e. flowery. musky etc.
• Coffee - Smokey, but not horrible.
• Tea - no smell.
• Basil - sweet, no really distinctive smell however.
• Onions - horrible, one of the worst in fact, sulphur, sulphur and more sulphur.
• Chicken - rotten kind of smell, not good
• Pork - nothing at all.
• Beef - cardboard!
• Bacon - burnt smell, but not horrible.
• Sausages - Sulphur, not nice.
• Smoke - again sulphur, yuk!
• Grass - earthy, so not too bad.
• Flowers - most of these I cant smell at all, but I did get a faint smell of lavender once, so I grow it all over my garden. But sadly this seems to have faded now. I wont dismiss the fact that it might return though!
• Chocolate - no smell
• Milk - no smell
• Bread - no smell but if its baking there's the sulphur back again!
• Eggs - Ugh!
• Spices - the odd musky kind of smell.
• Vanilla - this is one to celebrate as it smells like vanilla, especially the candles!

I'll end on that one as a positive note or I could go on and on so I wont bore you forever!

Now, as I stop to contemplate again...there is no smell in the air. I'm sitting in my kitchen writing this, and breathing in nothingness. I've forgotten what my house used to smell like I suppose, and often check with Ruck that it doesn't need a good old airing or air freshener spraying all over the place. I sometimes get a smell of something in the air, but cant identify it and have to ask what it is. If I'm outside it often turns out to be chimney smoke or the farm smell, which oddly enough smells ok to me.  We live quite close to a farm so this can be a common occurrence. I do miss smelling things as they should be though and not smelling the things I used to love, but I'm trying to come to terms with this. Not because I'm giving up on things going back to normal but because I'm preparing myself for the fact that they might not. Its a fine balance and I try not to get down about it.

Next time I want to talk about taste with you all, that is a weird one with more unpleasant than pleasant experiences unfortunately, but ill leave it here for now....thanks for reading as always.

To anyone suffering from Anosmia, Parosmia or related do you have good and bad smells? I'd be interested to know your interpretations. Please feel free to comment.

'Orrible Onions!

Ok not the most exciting of topics but for me a pretty interesting one none the less.

Let's talk about onions.

Before my Anosmia I liked onions, they are present in so many dishes meaning I cooked with them a lot....our relationship has now changed however. For some reason, once my Parosmia, (distorted/horrible taste), kicked in, onions were unbearable. More so than with any other food, and there were plenty that were pretty bad, I won't start naming them however as the list will scare you off reading any more of this post!

But onions are confusing my Parosmia at the moment. All of a sudden they taste bearable in some forms such as shop bought potato salad from Lidl, that contain chives, a member of the onion family. Also in the sweeter type of curry such as Korma or Pasanda, which definitely contain onion. I think it's the fact that all of these foods have a sweet side to them that is making the difference. Even the potato salad, due to the sweetness of the mayonnaise.
All of this sweetness seems to help counteract, or at least balance out the harsh, horrible taste of onion...and it makes sense to me really as I've always been able to manage quite a few different sweet foods even with my Parosmia.  Maybe I'll try caramelised onion next.

I suppose what I'm trying to say to my fellow sufferers is don't be afraid to try things, yes its disappointing if it turns out to be horrible, but you can always just pull a silly face and spit it out again, preferably not in public though!
But in all seriousness, I'm really not trying to make light of this awful affliction. Crikey its only in the past couple of months that I've started trying things again and some are still disgusting, like garlic in any form at all for example, and even though I'm getting on with onion a bit better, raw onion is a massive no, no! But please try and experiment with different foods my friends, what have you got to lose.....a bit more of your sanity, I lost that ages ago when all of this happened, but I'm slowly getting it back I hope. So be brave, we have to be don't we, either that or give up and I don't plan to and you shouldn't either.

So this post is for all my friends in the three great Facebook Anosmia related groups that I am in.

• Parosmia/Phantosmia Support Group
• Aquired Anosmia and Parosmia Support Page
• Anosmics of the World Unite!

What I would have done without your support goodness only knows.  Also anybody else reading this who is suffering from Anosmia and related disorders, if you are on Facebook I really do encourage you to join these groups and get the support you need and deserve.

Oh and one more thing, yes ok I'm rambling! Anyone without anosmia reading this, (lucky you), I hope this blog is giving you an insight and understanding of this little understood and life changing condition, I'm glad you are making the effort, and taking your time out to read it.

See you all back here next post, unless I've offended anyone and been too outspoken. I really want to support everyone like me, but tell me off if you feel the need x

Getting My Head Write!

First of all, no I didn't get my grammar wrong in the heading, I just have a scribbly head at the moment. If you looked into my brain it would look like this photograph.

That's what my writing looks like anyway but my brain is trying to match it! My husband tells me my brain goes a million miles an hour, so how do I calm it?
I'm doing it now, I write, that's what I do, what I've always done I suppose really. Starting with lyrics, cute rhymes in family Birthday cards, this blog and I'll let you into a little secret, a children's book which I'm currently working on. Am I good enough? Who knows, but I'm certainly going to give it a try. Is it good for me? Yes. Because I think if I didn't write it I'd scream it, not such a good idea I suppose, the neighbours wouldn't be very impressed!

I haven't written a single line about Anosmia yet because had I not started with the above chatter the rest of this post wouldn't have made sense.....sense get it, oh dear I'm at it again with the bad jokes. Anyway we've been on our holidays to our favourite Greek Island of Kefalonia. The last time I went I didn't have Anosmia so it was a bit of a shock to the system getting off the plane to blank very hot air.  No smell you see, it used to be a kind of warm olive smell if you can get that.......sort of like heated up grass and leaves and countryside. I loved that smell and I have to admit missed it when it wasn't there this time, it did make me sad.
I'm pleased to say however that I ate quite well, I learnt how to say "no onions please" in Greek, as you'll probably remember if you've read any of my previous posts, onions make my Parosmia kick in, and taste disgusting. Funnily enough the word onion in Greek is pronounced 'cremmudia', (not spelt like that though), which kept making me think of cream which I can eat but not in that case! Being able to have no onion in my food helped though as some savoury food is palatable these days, and the sweet pastries were yum, even to me!

So all in all we had a good time because some things hadn't changed like the lovely Greek friends we'd made over there and met up with again, or the beautiful scenery, or the guaranteed hot sunshine, the stunning coloured butterflies, the warm emerald sea, there I feel better already.

Life is still a challenge, and when I came home the reality was still there waiting for me and the rain didn't help aghh the English Summer! There are still daily struggles and challenges. For example my hubby, Ruck, was out and I wanted a strong espresso coffee which I have with a tiny bit of condensed milk for sweetness, but all I had was what had been in the fridge from before we went away so.....yep I risked it and used it because I couldn't tell if it was off or not, but my tummy told me later that it definitly was. Hence quite a few trips to the bathroom that day, sorry too much information, but I was ok after a good clear out! Life can't be that bad if I can joke about it sometimes I suppose!

So until next time 'yassas'!

Blank mind = Blank page!

Hello, long time no post....oh where to start. Well I've been doing more reading than writing lately because my brain has been on shut down mode for a while, (thanks to some new tablets rattling around in my system, but that's another story), so I couldn't come up with anything new.
I thought at the time this was very lazy and un productive of me, but as it happens its not been a bad thing because as I've been reading, I've also been learning so it still feels like I've achieved something!

For example I now have an Instagram account, which I never intended to do but after joining an Instagram group out of inst-erest....ha, ha good one there! I decided to have a go, and you know what, its quite enjoyable. I'm just playing with pictures and learning how to use the ever confusing hash tag at the moment but I may even get the hang of it enough to get serious and use it properly eventually.  In the meantime if you want to have a look please do at www.instagram.com/asongtowrite. For example, this is a photograph I took of Wild Violets in The Lake District, not bad for a beginner!

Anyway, my Anosmia has been doing some weird things lately.  Well I suppose its more Parosmia, (unpleasant phantom smells), these days actually, and that does act extremely weird, as you'll know if you've read any of my previous posts.
My smell has been mostly of the phantom 'baking bread' variety, and you are probably thinking 'well that's not so bad', but try it constantly every second of every day and you may change your mind somewhat. Even more so when it is laced with a hint of sickly sweet from deodorant that has just been sprayed, or air freshener that's been wafted around the room, oh and combined with the odd random addition of the phantom smell of paint stripper that likes to rear its ugly head on occasion.  Edge of insanity is a word that springs to mind when that little lot hits my nostrils I think, real or no real!

However there is a plus amongst my doom and gloom....yes I know sorry I'll quit the moaning.  I can actually handle the odd thing with onion in, yay result! I discovered this thanks to a tub of shop bought potato salad, when having lunch at my mum and dad's. I used to love potato salad and it was too tempting not to try it, and expecting the worst, I did just that. I was ready to do the usual trick of launching myself out of the chair and dashing to the sink to spit out said item, which I know sounds disgusting but when its a choice between that and being sick......well you get the picture. But instead, even though it didn't taste like potato salad should, it wasn't awful either, kind of vinegary, sweet and salty with a smooth texture, which for me is good. Suffice to say I ate rather a lot of potato salad that day!
I am now making a greater effort with the food I try to eat, instead of dismissing it because it has onion or garlic in it. Dare I hope this is a good sign, could something in this pesky nose of mine be healing correctly? If so I hope it hurry's up as we are going on holiday soon, what a treat it would be to get some pleasure out of eating while I'm away.
Say a little prayer for me.

Forward thinking!

Back to reality folks. I was determined to be strong and practice my smell training every day, but its been a bit of a rollercoaster ride these last few weeks to say the least so I haven't really stuck to it.
This doesn't mean that I've given up, but Chris Kelly herself said you have to be in the right frame of mind to do it and well, not to put too finer point on it I have had some crap going on so lets leave it there! In fact so much so I'm kicking Anosmia out of the door for this post at least!
I have to heal in more ways than one. Not just my rubbish nerve fibres that are being stubborn sods and not trying hard enough in my opinion, but my whole being. My head = big mess at the moment. Life can really chuck it at you sometimes and its throwing everything at me including the kitchen sink!  So I suppose this is why I am sitting in front of my laptop now without a clue what to write about. Self doubt is a biggy for me at the moment. I need to write something so -

Questions
Have I got anything to say....yes
Do I know where to start....no
Have I lost my self worth....yes
Have I lost my sense of smell and taste....yes.  Oops, I know I said no Anosmia mentions, but I couldn't resist that!
Have I lost it...not totally or I wouldn't have managed a funny just then.
Can I still write this blog....yes but it may change so I hope that's ok with you guys.
Am I waffling...I hope not

Ok the 'self worth' question is a bit heavy going because deep down I know I am good at things, I'm a singer, a lyricist, a singing coach, a writer or at least trying to be!  (By the way this is a rehearsal photograph, we do usually have an audience honest!)  And I've done all of these things successfully as a career for a long time, including the writing eventually I hope. 
Now all I have to do is convince myself that I can still be this person, even after everything that's happened.
Oh that sounds better already doesn't it?

I also have a cunning plan.....a Website, yep my very own. Focussed around what I've just written on here.
On-line singing lessons for a start, what do you think?
The ideas are starting to form, and are not bad ones at that, now all I need to do is stay motivated for long enough to put them all into practice.
I hope you lot are with me on this one, this little blog of mine was what kept me sane when I first became Anosmic and your kind comments and the fact that you stuck with me and read the posts has all helped. So if you'd like to hang around some more, that would be great! Let's do this!

Smell Training - Three

This is the last of my three posts about my smell training sessions with Chris Kelly, and do you remember me finishing my last post with the words......"So in my next post I get lazy and have a kip"?  Well let me enlighten you on that little snippet.

Mindfulness quote from 'Greater Good' website "Maintaining a moment by moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations and surrounding environment". I thought this was a really good way of summing it up. We all live in a crazy fast paced world where taking time out for ourselves is hard work, which is where mindfulness plays its part, because it's so relaxing, you can do it anywhere and it doesn't take long at all. It can also help in so many different areas of your life such as the situation I am in now with my Anosmia. So we ended on the following.

Mindfulness exercise: colour, smell and texture visualisation.

This was a great finale for my smell training! I was asked to lay down on an extremely comfortable chaise longue, close my eyes and try to visualise certain tasks to trigger my smell memory. That's the best way to describe it really as its almost like watching yourself experience the smell and taste of things and in that way remembering what they actually do smell and taste like.

One of the memories I was asked to visualise was eating a tangerine, the colour, texture and feel of it. Then to imagine peeling it, remembering the smell of the peel and fruit itself, then biting into it and remembering the taste. It was very relaxing and certainly triggered something, because even now, as I'm writing this I can remember the sweet tang of how a tangerine would smell and how juicy they used to be. I haven't tried one yet as they were not very pleasent after Parosmia decided to enter the scene all that time ago, but maybe it's about time I was brave and went for it! We also carried out some other visualisation exercises and I just outlined this one for you as an example.
This last part of the training took about twenty minutes and left me feeling calm and relaxed, which for me is an achievement in itself. After this we had a good chat to summarise everything I'd learnt and experienced throughout the day. I left feeling a lot more positive and ready for the new challenges that lay ahead, armed with my bounty of scent jars!

If anybody reading this suffers from Anosmia, I really would encourage you to get in touch with Chris Kelly. She has been such a help to me and is a very strong, caring and compassionate person. You can get in touch via her website at www.smelltraining.co.uk.

As for me, well I'm going to keep trying and give this a go. It works for Chris so I think I'd better kick myself up the arse and get on with it. Stay tuned for the next post to find out how I've been getting on!

photograph courtesy of Chris Kelly.

Smell Training - Two

This is the second post about my smell training experience with Chris Kelly. If you haven't read the previous two posts, (the first one is an introduction to it), I would suggest you do that first so that you can understand what I am talking about.
The next stage of smell training involved, yes you've guessed it, smelling things! The first thing I did was to smell four different citrus scents of Yuzu, Orange, Bergamont and Grapefruit, then four different wood scents of Larch, Swiss Pine, Cedar and Spruce each one was made up from a weak to strong concentration, and I was asked to describe how much I could or couldn't smell of each one. I wasn't told what they were so couldn't pretend to know. The bottles all had a different coloured star on them also so Chris knew what I was smelling. Some of the scents I could hardly smell anything of, others were pleasent, and others not so nice.....unfortunately. It was interesting to know however and seemed as though I could smell more than I realised. Chris noted all of this down as we went along so I had something that I could take back with me and refer to when I did my own smell training at home.

The next stage was for me to try and identify smells and see how near they were to the original smells that I remembered.  I kept getting frustrated and writing them off saying "no cant smell anything", but Chris pushed me to keep trying as sometimes it takes a while for a smell to come through. She was right, as with some of them, if I kept sniffing long enough something did start to materialise, often quite faint, but at least something! I can be quite an impatient person at times,so this took a bit of concentration on my part but at least I didn't get grumpy! At this stage I was getting smell overload so to clear my head and Chris's too probably, we went for a walk with her dogs and just chatted.  This was nice and informal, giving my head and my nose a chance to have a break, (not literally of course)!
When we got back nicely refreshed, I went through Chris's smell library to try all the different smells, and make some up to take home with me which I could train with.  She told me not to go for the obvious ones that I could smell quite well, but to choose the ones I couldn't smell at all or were very faint, so I could keep trying these at home to see how and if they developed or strengthened, this would be the best way to tell if the smell training was having any affect or not. 
I was by then starting to understand that my smell may not necessarily get back to normal but get back to being pleasant. Chris said things may not smell as they used to in some cases, but I would start to associate this new smell with a certain thing.  For example lemon. It may not smell so much like the original lemon smell I knew before my Anosmia, but the new smell would be what lemon smelt like to from then on, as that was what my brain would get used to associating a lemon smell with. I know that Chris wouldn't mind me saying this, (well I hope not because she'll be reading it at some point no doubt), but at the time I was pretty confused and a bit disheartened.  I suppose I just thought things would smell the same as before, but that isn't always the case it seems. When I got home things did start becoming a bit clearer over time, I'm jumping ahead however, I haven't written post number three yet.....So in my next post, I get lazy and have a kip.....well not quite, you'll find out what I mean!



(photographs courtesy of Chris Kelly smelltraining.co.uk)

Smell Training - One.

Well I've been for my Smell Training with Chris Kelly, and as promised, I'm back to tell you all about it. If you haven't read my previous post 'Spring back to life', it's probably a good idea to do that first or you may not know what the heck I'm talking about. I've decided to break it down into separate posts as it was very involved and intense so there isn't really a way of shortening or simplifying it. I think if I tried to do that it would take away the significance of it as an important chapter of my life in words for me.

(Photographs courtesy of Chris Kelly smelltraining.co.uk).

My training lasted all afternoon and involved eating & tasting, sniffing, talking, documenting and walking, (with Chris's lovely dogs). The eating side of it involved what I could and couldn't taste, whether it tasted good, or bad, texture, colour. Taste was the first thing we looked at and Chris used various types of smoothies for this to gauge my reactions - what could I taste, was it good, bad, nothing. She had also very generously made a salad for lunch, with lots of taste, texture and colour variations to make the food more interesting. For all my Anosmic buddies reading this, the salad was made up of - various salad leaves, thinly sliced fennel bulb, avocado, pomegranate seeds, roasted figs, and pine nuts. With warm fried goats cheese coated in breadcrumbs. Give it a go my friends!
There were a lot of taste sensations combined such as tangy, salty, sweet and slightly bitter, meaning that I was getting varied flavours rather than the one flat or often horrible taste I was used to. The different textures made it even more interesting, the goats cheese didn't taste of anything except salt, but the texture made up for that, with it being soft inside then crumbly and slightly crisp on the outside. I can honestly say I enjoyed it. The only thing that didn't sit well with me were the pine nuts as they had an unpleasant aftertaste, which was my Parosmia kicking in. I don't get on with the taste of nuts much anyway so I half expected this. But that was part of the point identifying what I could/couldn't eat or taste, and recording it.

Chris asked me what I was experiencing while we ate so I ended up talking with my mouth full quite a bit....how uncouth! But the experience was great as it was the most interesting food I'd had in a long time almost like reawakening my taste buds. I've made the salad at home since and its still good, very exciting for me! Its made me want to try harder and experiment with food more, instead of being complacent about it which is definitely how I had become. What a good start to the afternoon.  Watch out Ruck I might be taking over the cooking again at this rate!

 

Spring back to life!

I'm going for some Smell Training with Chris Kelly, smelltraining.co.uk, this weekend.  You may well be wondering what this is so I'm going to try and explain it to you!

The problem is it's not that easy, even the people who teach it aren't quite sure how it works, but basically, researchers have found that 'similar areas of the brain are stimulated when both detecting and imagining particular scents'. This being the case, if a person can imagine a certain smell from their memory, for example a rose, when they attempt to smell it it's possible that eventually by imagining the smell and repeatedly trying to smell it, they will start smelling it properly. In the case of Smell Training, strongly scented essential oils are used, the recommended ones being rose, eucalyptus, lemon, and clove. A patient will smell them daily for several months in the hope of retraining the brain to remember how they smell and eventually be able to smell them again. It's not guaranteed of course but 'in clinical studies, evidence suggests that patients who did this fared better in identification and discrimination of smells that those who didn't'.  So for me it's worth a try!

I have sourced this information from the 'Fifth Sense' website, which is a charity dedicated to supporting Anosmics and researching it also. It's a brilliant resource for Anosmics and those who want to learn more about it. If you want to have a look, the website address is fifthsense.org.uk

I've got to be honest when I say, I'm more than a little nervous about going for my training.  I have every faith in the lady who is teaching me, she is Anosmic herself and through self training has regained the majority of her sense of smell back.  But what if it doesn't work on me, what if I come back and nothings changed? How will I feel?

The fact is I suppose I wont know until I've tried, and I'd end up kicking myself if I gave up now.  I have to carry on being the strong me, like I've been rattling on about in my previous posts!

So I'm going to go now and psyche myself up.....sorry for the short post but we are leaving at 7am tomorrow morning as its the other end of England!

Now I need my beauty sleep, if I get much sleep that is, this is a big day for me tomorrow.
Night, night I'll let you know how it goes.  Oh heck!

 

My joy!

Right, I'm going to stop writing about me for a change. Was that a sigh of relief I heard?

There is a certain little person in my life that helps ground me and takes me away from my misery that is Anosmia. When I'm around her I'm too busy laughing and smiling to get into those difficult thoughts that drag me down. My niece Lauren is my joy.
When I first found out that I had Anosmia, I was a mess.  I had no energy but still had the need to run, which I know was a bad idea, but I'd always been a runner and I was determined not to stop. It was one day when I ran to my mums, or tried, that I realised that I couldn't run anymore.
I got to the house exhausted, nearly collapsed, thought I was going to be sick, then had a good cry and rushed off into one of the bedrooms to isolate myself from the world.  I stayed there for most of the afternoon, as I was so unhappy that I didn't want to see or speak to anybody.

Then there was little knock at the door and in walked my mum with Lauren. She said "Lauren wanted to know what was wrong with you so I explained you were poorly and couldn't smell or taste anything at the moment. She's very upset and has asked if she can come and pray for her Auntie Debbie".
Well what could I say to that? In fact I was so overwhelmed that I started to cry again...good grief!  Anyway she closed her eyes, put her hands together and asked God to make me better, and that she loved me and didn't like me being ill, it was lovely and made me forget about my problems for a change! The rest of the day was nice after that. I went and played with her and she raced around saying 'can we colour in, can we play hide and seek, can we play with play dough', and make a mess everywhere, actually I said that bit once it had been trampled into the floor, squashed onto the table and ended up stuck in her hair! But that wasn't the end of it, her next idea was to play with her dolls house, yes she has one of those wonderful old fashioned things, in fact it used to belong to me and my two sisters when we were kids and even had our Cindy and Barbie dolls still with it. Ahhhh I feel old! She just about managed to exhaust me once again, but it was ok this time as she is my joy so it was different.

I could quite happily tell you about her all day, as she has me wrapped around her little finger, but I wont. Oh and one more thing, (told you), when I'd come over for lunch, well attempted lunch, if she was there, she'd wag her finger at me, put her hands on her hips and say in a very stern voice "Auntie Debbie you have to eat" then she'd put on this cute little frown, and I'd try.... just for her.  I couldn't eat a lot but it was better than nothing.  She still checks up on me when I see her and if I am feeling really low, it doesn't last long, as I cant help but smile and feel good when I'm around her. Auntie Debbie is a big old softie!

So back to me for a titchy bit, sorry. Remember in my last post that I said I was going to give you a little snippet of information about Anosmia in each post well this is my latest. Referenced from the 'Anosmia Foundation' website.
Anosmia originally came from the Greek work Osme and is the stem word for medical definitions of smell i.e. Anosmia, Parosmia etc. There are also specific names for taste disorders, and again the name derives from a Greek word, Geusi, meaning taste. These are Ageusia - the absence of taste, Hypogeusia - a decreased sense of taste, and Dysgeusia - an unpleasant sense of taste.

And now I am all written out for today so I'm going to stop there. Please don't wander too far though as I'll be back, (no I'm not going to do the Arnold Schwarzenegger impression)!

Let meeee educate you!

I joined a few blogging Facebook groups to improve my skills on here, (hopefully), and asked for some feedback from them about this blog. Most of it was "I've never heard of it before", or "This is new to me" etc. In fact it was a real eye opener for them!
It prompted me to add a few new bits of info on here, as I've never really gone into much detail about it apart from at the very beginning when I first started writing this blog. I'm not going to bore you so don't run away, and apologies to any Anosmics/Parosmics who've heard it all before!

Really what I want to tell you about is the different forms of this condition that there are. If you've been reading my blog from the start you'll know about Anosmia and Parosmia, but there are also some more out there unfortunately.
Phantosmia - "smell perception with no external stimulus". This is easily confused with Parosmia as they are quite similar. There is one main difference however. Parosmia is distortion of a smell that is present. Whereas, Phantosmia is a smell hallucination, there is no smell actually there but the person concerned thinks they can smell something which is usually very unpleasant to them.
Hyposmia - this is a partial loss of smell.
Hyperosmia - this is when a person has a greater than average ability to smell and also taste.
Dysosmia - is thought to be Parosmia and Phantosmia combined as a general distortion in odour perception.
These are just a few lines about the condition, but I'll probably start adding the odd snippet to future blog posts as well, so if there is anything you would like to know please leave a comment. I am not saying I'm an expert on any of this but I want to educate myself more, and if there is something you want to know and I don't, I'll find out for you.

You may remember me saying in my last post that I intended to get into the real me mode so that's what I am trying to do now. It doesn't mean I'm not allowed to moan now and then though so be prepared for that occasionally!
However things are starting to look up, and what I'm about to tell you has certainly pointed me in the right direction. My friend Caroline came over yesterday afternoon and we had Nespresso coffee, which oddly enough is pleasant for me.  We also had some of those tiny amaretto biscuits, one of which I decided to try.  All I got was sweetness at first, then all of a sudden an almond like taste came through just at the end of eating it! I thought I'd imagined it so had another one and it was definitely there.....wow how good is that?  I haven't even told my Mum yet, so you guys are the privileged few, (well hopefully there's more than a few of you reading this!), who get to find out first!!
This is so exciting for me that I'm smiling as I write it, but I wanted to save the best for last which is why I've told you at the end of this post.  Keep your fingers crossed for me that this is the start of good things to come, rest assured you will be kept up to date!

Anosmic Anniversary

Well here it is. One year ago today, I passed out, banged my head and came round with no sense of smell or taste. I can't believe it's been that long. I thought at first that I would get better, now I'm not so sure.

Things have changed though, for example:

Quite early on, I discovered that I couldn't eat anything with onions, onion powder, or garlic in as it set off my parosmia, and discovering this has helped me to eat a bit better as I now know what to avoid.

I can now smell vanilla candles, not actual vanilla but sweet and pleasant.

I have put 3lbs on, said I'd let you know remember. My doctor was very pleased!

I have discovered that I really enjoy writing even though it's a shame this is the way I had to find out.

(If you are into writing you can join my Facebook writing group using this link) www.facebook.com/groups/allwritedj

I don't know how I'm feeling at the moment though, sad yes, but I was at work today and I suppose that helped focus my mind on other things. However now I'm sitting here writing this and my head is so confused.
I thought I'd be in a crumpled heap crying my eyes out by this point but I'm not. I do think I'm coping better, well I must be or I'd be doing the 'crumpled heap' thing by now! I also know I'll be up and down emotionally, there will be a trigger that will set me off at some point, that is what happens now. It's not the constant painful loss anymore, but it's still there in the background.
I suppose this should be the year when I pick myself up and get back into living mode, instead of managing mode, because for me this is more my New Year than the official New Year. I've even changed my template for the occasion.

My sister, Mandy said to me don't let your Anosmia define you and it has.....so this is the tricky part where I become officially me again. Deborah Ann Jinks, not Deborah Ann-osmic Jinks, yesss I did a funny!  That's a good start. Speak to you all soon in real me mode, you can tell me off if I'm not.

Actually I've not quite finished after all. It is Anosmia Awareness Day on the 27th of February, so if you want to show your support please wear something red on that day. I certainly will be. You can also find out more about it on Facebook. www.facebook.com/AnosmiaAwarenessDay
Thanks in advance for that one.

Sugar, sugar, honey, honey!

Well hello, I'm sitting here listening to Ziggy Stardust, you will be sadly missed David Bowie. Ruck has gone to bed with plenty of beer in his belly and I am surrounded by chocolate, toffee, biscuits etc. Stuffing my face for no apparent reason than that it's ok coz it won't make me want to be sick. I can handle sweet more than savoury, unless I completely over do it that is. Healthy, no, bearable, yes. I have started writing this post on the same day that I just published the last one. What's that all about? Hmm getting a bit worrying when I can't keep away from my iPad for the need of getting this all off my chest!  I'm finding now that thoughts, observations, feelings effect me at different times on different days, they don't eat away at me all the time, whoops that was a bad whey to put it! But it means I have to write them down straight away as they arrive, or they are gone and I cant get them back to put into words after that....so if this post doesn't flow you'll know why.

Anyway moving on, (see what I mean)! It's a new day......well I had to go to bed sometime.

Its been nearly a year now, as you all know because I keep going on about it, but the loss is sill there. Sometimes its not so raw then other times it comes to the forefront again and bam! Where have all the glorious smells gone in the world. Is anything going to come back, is this forever? Oh I hope not, and taste? Well, as I said in my last post we were going to my sisters and her partner for Rucks Birthday and went out for a meal.  When I ordered, I asked the waitress to make sure there was no onion, garlic, etc in it and she said "ok are you allergic to onion"?  I just said yes as its the easiest option, but the truth is that onion tastes vile to me. The meal was fine actually, as I played it safe with fish and chips even though I could have had more adventurous stuff, too risky though. But we had a great weekend and that's what counts.

Oh well, that's it for this post, got a weigh in at the docs on Thursday, have I gained any weight since last time? I'll let you know.

Say Cheese!!

Hello again, unfortunately I'm not starting on the best of notes in this post, but it gets better, honest. 
It was suggested that I make a list of all the things I can eat so here we go....cheese on toast, baked potatoes with cheese, macaroni cheese, cheese and crackers, cheese and cheese. Getting the theme here? However my friends asked me to do this so that when we go round for meals they can cater for what I can manage to eat, which is very thoughtful of them. The problem is what tasted nice last week could taste horrible by the week after.  I don't know why that is but it seems to happen to a lot of Parosmics, and as I have Anosmia too its not exactly straightforward.
Anyway, the other night I had a go at making a sauce to go with the meatballs Ruck had made, and I eventually left the kitchen in a strop because I didn't know if what I was cooking would even taste like bloody food! Then I thought ok, I like cheese and can manage some veg so I'll make cauliflower cheese, which would have been fine if the sauce hadn't turned out like wallpaper paste and was totally inedible. Agh! these are the times when I could scream, throw things, cry or everything at once.

Than to top it all, I caught a cold, attempted to eat a bag of plain crisps which were ok before, and they tasted horrible! I really hope the cold hasn't knocked me back a bit, that would be all I need. Even though its gone now I know it's happened to other sufferers before so its in the back of my mind.
What is going on am I going backwards here?  The problem is these are my thoughts and unfortunately they are not so great sometimes.  I even had a dream that I could smell flowers again which is one of the scents I really miss.

So when I woke up and everything was back to normal, I almost resigned myself to it. Thought, oh so this is how its going to be for the rest of my life....
Then I had an amazing surprise, I walked into my living room that night, where there was a vanilla candle burning and I could smell it! A sweet but not sickly smell, not really strong but definitely a hint of vanilla. Oh that was such a good feeling, and the best bit is its still there, so when I told my family and friends, I was inundated with vanilla candles. Fine by me! Does this mean there are some good changes going on in this treacherous nose of mine?

I just want other nice things to come back now.  How wonderful it would be to be able to taste, and enjoy my Christmas dinner this year, because when my sense of smell starts coming back, my taste should follow suit, so surly a vanilla candle is a good start?
One thing is for sure however, I wouldn't want to keep the current sense of taste I have the disgusting one, remember? What a complex condition this is I want my sense of taste to come back but I want it to go away too if its going to be this horrible forever. Ridiculous.
Anyway to end on a high note, we are going to see my sister and her partner in Crawley next weekend. It's Ruck's birthday this month and as a tradition we always go and celebrate it down there. My sister is a bit crazy, in a nice way, so we'll have a good time, and I can hopefully put the Anosmia to the back of my mind for a while.  Happy Birthday my long suffering husband!












 

Happy New Nose???

Happy New Year! Welcome to 2016 and here's hoping you're still with me on this blog! I wonder what this year will bring? The eating thing wasn't too bad over Christmas, I managed, but it definitely wasn't the same, and a lot of thought went into what I could or couldn't handle, which was great of  my family. I may not have eaten much at all otherwise.
Will I get my sense of smell back? Will I get my sense of taste back? Will I give up? No to that one. But 2015 ended up being a very bad year for me and I really don't know what to expect this year, how much fight I've got left......I'm not starting on a very good note really.
Good grief snap out of it Debbie you're going to scare everybody off before they even start reading the first post of 2016. Sorry, finished telling myself off now. Are you still here?
As I write this post it's the evening of January the 2nd so I may not finish it tonight. I had a bit of a moment when I thought I wouldn't even be able to start it......and now my heads gone so I'll try again tomorrow, sorry.

That's better, I've been talking to some of my Anosmia group friends which has bucked me up. Thanks to you all as ever.
I think I'm finding the start to the year frightening as I really don't know if I will ever heal, I know I keep going on about fighting all the time but it doesn't mean it's going to work. I make a lot of daft jokes on this blog sometimes to give my self some positivity, but also so it's not going to depress the hell out of you all.

Thankfully I have people that keep me sane and these are three of them, (apart from the one on the bottom left), being me, and I look insane despite this.

There ya go I'm getting positive again, nothing like a bit of family support to cheer me up. There are
many more supportive and wonderful family and friends out there of course, but this is a cool picture so I thought I'd Share it with you.

However, I think next month, February the 7th to be exact, will be a very testing time for me as that date will be my first Anosmic Anniversary. One year ago on that day, I banged  my head and came round finding I'd lost two of my senses. Anyway onwards and upwards as they say, but be prepared for a few tears on that day, even though you can't see them......no I will not post a photograph of it!
Mulling it over I think I'm coping ok at the moment, for those who haven't read my first few posts have a look and you'll see what I mean.

See you all next post.