Spring back to life!

I'm going for some Smell Training with Chris Kelly, smelltraining.co.uk, this weekend.  You may well be wondering what this is so I'm going to try and explain it to you!

The problem is it's not that easy, even the people who teach it aren't quite sure how it works, but basically, researchers have found that 'similar areas of the brain are stimulated when both detecting and imagining particular scents'. This being the case, if a person can imagine a certain smell from their memory, for example a rose, when they attempt to smell it it's possible that eventually by imagining the smell and repeatedly trying to smell it, they will start smelling it properly. In the case of Smell Training, strongly scented essential oils are used, the recommended ones being rose, eucalyptus, lemon, and clove. A patient will smell them daily for several months in the hope of retraining the brain to remember how they smell and eventually be able to smell them again. It's not guaranteed of course but 'in clinical studies, evidence suggests that patients who did this fared better in identification and discrimination of smells that those who didn't'.  So for me it's worth a try!

I have sourced this information from the 'Fifth Sense' website, which is a charity dedicated to supporting Anosmics and researching it also. It's a brilliant resource for Anosmics and those who want to learn more about it. If you want to have a look, the website address is fifthsense.org.uk

I've got to be honest when I say, I'm more than a little nervous about going for my training.  I have every faith in the lady who is teaching me, she is Anosmic herself and through self training has regained the majority of her sense of smell back.  But what if it doesn't work on me, what if I come back and nothings changed? How will I feel?

The fact is I suppose I wont know until I've tried, and I'd end up kicking myself if I gave up now.  I have to carry on being the strong me, like I've been rattling on about in my previous posts!

So I'm going to go now and psyche myself up.....sorry for the short post but we are leaving at 7am tomorrow morning as its the other end of England!

Now I need my beauty sleep, if I get much sleep that is, this is a big day for me tomorrow.
Night, night I'll let you know how it goes.  Oh heck!

 

My joy!

Right, I'm going to stop writing about me for a change. Was that a sigh of relief I heard?

There is a certain little person in my life that helps ground me and takes me away from my misery that is Anosmia. When I'm around her I'm too busy laughing and smiling to get into those difficult thoughts that drag me down. My niece Lauren is my joy.
When I first found out that I had Anosmia, I was a mess.  I had no energy but still had the need to run, which I know was a bad idea, but I'd always been a runner and I was determined not to stop. It was one day when I ran to my mums, or tried, that I realised that I couldn't run anymore.
I got to the house exhausted, nearly collapsed, thought I was going to be sick, then had a good cry and rushed off into one of the bedrooms to isolate myself from the world.  I stayed there for most of the afternoon, as I was so unhappy that I didn't want to see or speak to anybody.

Then there was little knock at the door and in walked my mum with Lauren. She said "Lauren wanted to know what was wrong with you so I explained you were poorly and couldn't smell or taste anything at the moment. She's very upset and has asked if she can come and pray for her Auntie Debbie".
Well what could I say to that? In fact I was so overwhelmed that I started to cry again...good grief!  Anyway she closed her eyes, put her hands together and asked God to make me better, and that she loved me and didn't like me being ill, it was lovely and made me forget about my problems for a change! The rest of the day was nice after that. I went and played with her and she raced around saying 'can we colour in, can we play hide and seek, can we play with play dough', and make a mess everywhere, actually I said that bit once it had been trampled into the floor, squashed onto the table and ended up stuck in her hair! But that wasn't the end of it, her next idea was to play with her dolls house, yes she has one of those wonderful old fashioned things, in fact it used to belong to me and my two sisters when we were kids and even had our Cindy and Barbie dolls still with it. Ahhhh I feel old! She just about managed to exhaust me once again, but it was ok this time as she is my joy so it was different.

I could quite happily tell you about her all day, as she has me wrapped around her little finger, but I wont. Oh and one more thing, (told you), when I'd come over for lunch, well attempted lunch, if she was there, she'd wag her finger at me, put her hands on her hips and say in a very stern voice "Auntie Debbie you have to eat" then she'd put on this cute little frown, and I'd try.... just for her.  I couldn't eat a lot but it was better than nothing.  She still checks up on me when I see her and if I am feeling really low, it doesn't last long, as I cant help but smile and feel good when I'm around her. Auntie Debbie is a big old softie!

So back to me for a titchy bit, sorry. Remember in my last post that I said I was going to give you a little snippet of information about Anosmia in each post well this is my latest. Referenced from the 'Anosmia Foundation' website.
Anosmia originally came from the Greek work Osme and is the stem word for medical definitions of smell i.e. Anosmia, Parosmia etc. There are also specific names for taste disorders, and again the name derives from a Greek word, Geusi, meaning taste. These are Ageusia - the absence of taste, Hypogeusia - a decreased sense of taste, and Dysgeusia - an unpleasant sense of taste.

And now I am all written out for today so I'm going to stop there. Please don't wander too far though as I'll be back, (no I'm not going to do the Arnold Schwarzenegger impression)!

Let meeee educate you!

I joined a few blogging Facebook groups to improve my skills on here, (hopefully), and asked for some feedback from them about this blog. Most of it was "I've never heard of it before", or "This is new to me" etc. In fact it was a real eye opener for them!
It prompted me to add a few new bits of info on here, as I've never really gone into much detail about it apart from at the very beginning when I first started writing this blog. I'm not going to bore you so don't run away, and apologies to any Anosmics/Parosmics who've heard it all before!

Really what I want to tell you about is the different forms of this condition that there are. If you've been reading my blog from the start you'll know about Anosmia and Parosmia, but there are also some more out there unfortunately.
Phantosmia - "smell perception with no external stimulus". This is easily confused with Parosmia as they are quite similar. There is one main difference however. Parosmia is distortion of a smell that is present. Whereas, Phantosmia is a smell hallucination, there is no smell actually there but the person concerned thinks they can smell something which is usually very unpleasant to them.
Hyposmia - this is a partial loss of smell.
Hyperosmia - this is when a person has a greater than average ability to smell and also taste.
Dysosmia - is thought to be Parosmia and Phantosmia combined as a general distortion in odour perception.
These are just a few lines about the condition, but I'll probably start adding the odd snippet to future blog posts as well, so if there is anything you would like to know please leave a comment. I am not saying I'm an expert on any of this but I want to educate myself more, and if there is something you want to know and I don't, I'll find out for you.

You may remember me saying in my last post that I intended to get into the real me mode so that's what I am trying to do now. It doesn't mean I'm not allowed to moan now and then though so be prepared for that occasionally!
However things are starting to look up, and what I'm about to tell you has certainly pointed me in the right direction. My friend Caroline came over yesterday afternoon and we had Nespresso coffee, which oddly enough is pleasant for me.  We also had some of those tiny amaretto biscuits, one of which I decided to try.  All I got was sweetness at first, then all of a sudden an almond like taste came through just at the end of eating it! I thought I'd imagined it so had another one and it was definitely there.....wow how good is that?  I haven't even told my Mum yet, so you guys are the privileged few, (well hopefully there's more than a few of you reading this!), who get to find out first!!
This is so exciting for me that I'm smiling as I write it, but I wanted to save the best for last which is why I've told you at the end of this post.  Keep your fingers crossed for me that this is the start of good things to come, rest assured you will be kept up to date!

Anosmic Anniversary

Well here it is. One year ago today, I passed out, banged my head and came round with no sense of smell or taste. I can't believe it's been that long. I thought at first that I would get better, now I'm not so sure.

Things have changed though, for example:

Quite early on, I discovered that I couldn't eat anything with onions, onion powder, or garlic in as it set off my parosmia, and discovering this has helped me to eat a bit better as I now know what to avoid.

I can now smell vanilla candles, not actual vanilla but sweet and pleasant.

I have put 3lbs on, said I'd let you know remember. My doctor was very pleased!

I have discovered that I really enjoy writing even though it's a shame this is the way I had to find out.

(If you are into writing you can join my Facebook writing group using this link) www.facebook.com/groups/allwritedj

I don't know how I'm feeling at the moment though, sad yes, but I was at work today and I suppose that helped focus my mind on other things. However now I'm sitting here writing this and my head is so confused.
I thought I'd be in a crumpled heap crying my eyes out by this point but I'm not. I do think I'm coping better, well I must be or I'd be doing the 'crumpled heap' thing by now! I also know I'll be up and down emotionally, there will be a trigger that will set me off at some point, that is what happens now. It's not the constant painful loss anymore, but it's still there in the background.
I suppose this should be the year when I pick myself up and get back into living mode, instead of managing mode, because for me this is more my New Year than the official New Year. I've even changed my template for the occasion.

My sister, Mandy said to me don't let your Anosmia define you and it has.....so this is the tricky part where I become officially me again. Deborah Ann Jinks, not Deborah Ann-osmic Jinks, yesss I did a funny!  That's a good start. Speak to you all soon in real me mode, you can tell me off if I'm not.

Actually I've not quite finished after all. It is Anosmia Awareness Day on the 27th of February, so if you want to show your support please wear something red on that day. I certainly will be. You can also find out more about it on Facebook. www.facebook.com/AnosmiaAwarenessDay
Thanks in advance for that one.

Sugar, sugar, honey, honey!

Well hello, I'm sitting here listening to Ziggy Stardust, you will be sadly missed David Bowie. Ruck has gone to bed with plenty of beer in his belly and I am surrounded by chocolate, toffee, biscuits etc. Stuffing my face for no apparent reason than that it's ok coz it won't make me want to be sick. I can handle sweet more than savoury, unless I completely over do it that is. Healthy, no, bearable, yes. I have started writing this post on the same day that I just published the last one. What's that all about? Hmm getting a bit worrying when I can't keep away from my iPad for the need of getting this all off my chest!  I'm finding now that thoughts, observations, feelings effect me at different times on different days, they don't eat away at me all the time, whoops that was a bad whey to put it! But it means I have to write them down straight away as they arrive, or they are gone and I cant get them back to put into words after that....so if this post doesn't flow you'll know why.

Anyway moving on, (see what I mean)! It's a new day......well I had to go to bed sometime.

Its been nearly a year now, as you all know because I keep going on about it, but the loss is sill there. Sometimes its not so raw then other times it comes to the forefront again and bam! Where have all the glorious smells gone in the world. Is anything going to come back, is this forever? Oh I hope not, and taste? Well, as I said in my last post we were going to my sisters and her partner for Rucks Birthday and went out for a meal.  When I ordered, I asked the waitress to make sure there was no onion, garlic, etc in it and she said "ok are you allergic to onion"?  I just said yes as its the easiest option, but the truth is that onion tastes vile to me. The meal was fine actually, as I played it safe with fish and chips even though I could have had more adventurous stuff, too risky though. But we had a great weekend and that's what counts.

Oh well, that's it for this post, got a weigh in at the docs on Thursday, have I gained any weight since last time? I'll let you know.

Say Cheese!!

Hello again, unfortunately I'm not starting on the best of notes in this post, but it gets better, honest. 
It was suggested that I make a list of all the things I can eat so here we go....cheese on toast, baked potatoes with cheese, macaroni cheese, cheese and crackers, cheese and cheese. Getting the theme here? However my friends asked me to do this so that when we go round for meals they can cater for what I can manage to eat, which is very thoughtful of them. The problem is what tasted nice last week could taste horrible by the week after.  I don't know why that is but it seems to happen to a lot of Parosmics, and as I have Anosmia too its not exactly straightforward.
Anyway, the other night I had a go at making a sauce to go with the meatballs Ruck had made, and I eventually left the kitchen in a strop because I didn't know if what I was cooking would even taste like bloody food! Then I thought ok, I like cheese and can manage some veg so I'll make cauliflower cheese, which would have been fine if the sauce hadn't turned out like wallpaper paste and was totally inedible. Agh! these are the times when I could scream, throw things, cry or everything at once.

Than to top it all, I caught a cold, attempted to eat a bag of plain crisps which were ok before, and they tasted horrible! I really hope the cold hasn't knocked me back a bit, that would be all I need. Even though its gone now I know it's happened to other sufferers before so its in the back of my mind.
What is going on am I going backwards here?  The problem is these are my thoughts and unfortunately they are not so great sometimes.  I even had a dream that I could smell flowers again which is one of the scents I really miss.

So when I woke up and everything was back to normal, I almost resigned myself to it. Thought, oh so this is how its going to be for the rest of my life....
Then I had an amazing surprise, I walked into my living room that night, where there was a vanilla candle burning and I could smell it! A sweet but not sickly smell, not really strong but definitely a hint of vanilla. Oh that was such a good feeling, and the best bit is its still there, so when I told my family and friends, I was inundated with vanilla candles. Fine by me! Does this mean there are some good changes going on in this treacherous nose of mine?

I just want other nice things to come back now.  How wonderful it would be to be able to taste, and enjoy my Christmas dinner this year, because when my sense of smell starts coming back, my taste should follow suit, so surly a vanilla candle is a good start?
One thing is for sure however, I wouldn't want to keep the current sense of taste I have the disgusting one, remember? What a complex condition this is I want my sense of taste to come back but I want it to go away too if its going to be this horrible forever. Ridiculous.
Anyway to end on a high note, we are going to see my sister and her partner in Crawley next weekend. It's Ruck's birthday this month and as a tradition we always go and celebrate it down there. My sister is a bit crazy, in a nice way, so we'll have a good time, and I can hopefully put the Anosmia to the back of my mind for a while.  Happy Birthday my long suffering husband!












 

Happy New Nose???

Happy New Year! Welcome to 2016 and here's hoping you're still with me on this blog! I wonder what this year will bring? The eating thing wasn't too bad over Christmas, I managed, but it definitely wasn't the same, and a lot of thought went into what I could or couldn't handle, which was great of  my family. I may not have eaten much at all otherwise.
Will I get my sense of smell back? Will I get my sense of taste back? Will I give up? No to that one. But 2015 ended up being a very bad year for me and I really don't know what to expect this year, how much fight I've got left......I'm not starting on a very good note really.
Good grief snap out of it Debbie you're going to scare everybody off before they even start reading the first post of 2016. Sorry, finished telling myself off now. Are you still here?
As I write this post it's the evening of January the 2nd so I may not finish it tonight. I had a bit of a moment when I thought I wouldn't even be able to start it......and now my heads gone so I'll try again tomorrow, sorry.

That's better, I've been talking to some of my Anosmia group friends which has bucked me up. Thanks to you all as ever.
I think I'm finding the start to the year frightening as I really don't know if I will ever heal, I know I keep going on about fighting all the time but it doesn't mean it's going to work. I make a lot of daft jokes on this blog sometimes to give my self some positivity, but also so it's not going to depress the hell out of you all.

Thankfully I have people that keep me sane and these are three of them, (apart from the one on the bottom left), being me, and I look insane despite this.

There ya go I'm getting positive again, nothing like a bit of family support to cheer me up. There are
many more supportive and wonderful family and friends out there of course, but this is a cool picture so I thought I'd Share it with you.

However, I think next month, February the 7th to be exact, will be a very testing time for me as that date will be my first Anosmic Anniversary. One year ago on that day, I banged  my head and came round finding I'd lost two of my senses. Anyway onwards and upwards as they say, but be prepared for a few tears on that day, even though you can't see them......no I will not post a photograph of it!
Mulling it over I think I'm coping ok at the moment, for those who haven't read my first few posts have a look and you'll see what I mean.

See you all next post.